Even those who tell me "I like who I am!" usually at some point come to a realization of self-loathing or shame somewhere in their being. Sometimes, the shame isn't even logical. For instance, I remember blaming myself for my car getting broken into and the stereo being stolen. I had paid the extra money for a stereo that a had a removable faceplate as a theft deterrent, but I hadn't bothered to remove it. It's not rational to blame the victim of a crime, but I still felt some shame about what had happened. Shame or self-blame is a common reaction when things go awry.
If you think the games you have going are what lead to what it is you're seeking in life, forget it. What is required to go on this trip...you have to have experienced despair.